My Papa

October 14, 1926 ~ May 15, 2008

This is My Papa and his wife Lorraine. He is my mother's father and he lives in Montana. Jeff and I stopped by when we took our road trip back there almost two years ago. For awhile after he met Jeff, Papa thought it was funny to ask me "If he's Jeff, does that make you Mutt?" After we got engaged and then married, Papa would ask "Did you get my approval first? He knows he has to pass snuff with me right? Not just anyone can marry my Missy." As his health has declined, so has his memory. But the funny thing is, he remembers 25 years ago like it was yesterday. He often tells the story of me as a five year old out on the putting green outside their condo in Butte (I think it was Butte) twirling the big flag in circles over and over again. He always tells me "You were just the cutest little #$&%." Meant lovingly of course. ; )

Well, he has fought emphysema for almost a decade now, and has been on oxygen for almost 8 years, which is well beyond the two years they gave him to live at the time. Mom called me just a bit ago and gave me the news that they've moved him to a hospice facility and he's not expected to live much more than a day or so. Now, my Papa is a fighter... an ornery old man (he'd tell ya so himself). So he may turn around... he may wait until I can come hug him around the neck one more time like I was planning to do in just about a week. But I don't think so... I think it is his time. This phone call certainly isn't unexpected... but it did take me by surprise. I haven't seen Papa much more than once a year for the last several years. For a long time we would talk once a week on the phone... I'd call him every Tuesday afternoon. I'm ashamed to say our phone calls haven't been that frequent in awhile. Even so, it'll be hard to lose him... My Papa. May God bless you Papa... I love you.

She's Published!!

So my Bad Aunt (in the middle), who has a way with words, has been working tirelessly for the last few years to write a book. Well, actually a couple books. She's written, and edited, and proofread, and rewritten until she's been blue in the face... but she has endeavored to persevere, and at last, she has been published! She wrote a great short story that was published in a series called Cup of Comfort. The Good Aunt and I were present for her second book signing at the Borders in Beaverton (the first was in Medford) and were so proud to watch her climb up on that step stool and read her wonderful handiwork. She didn't even cry! Good Job Kim... you more than deserve it. Keep on writing!

Food for thought...

There has been something on my mind for a week now and I kept thinking I would get to posting, but just haven't until now. I think I have been mulling this over. This post and its topic bring up a lot of things for me, only a few of which I will have space to cover. My hope is that you can follow my thoughts here...

I know very little about this story, only a few details shared with me by my mother last weekend. A few weeks ago, my 19 year old cousin was on his way home from work when he rear ended a family on the freeway. Apparently the flow of traffic changed fairly rapidly and he did not react in time to avoid the accident. He walked away from it with some bruises and some cuts, but was mostly uninjured. The tragedy is, that one of the young children in the other vehicle later died at the hospital. I believe she was three. I find it important to note that my cousin was not under the influence of any intoxicant, nor was he driving recklessly. The investigation concluded that he was not subject to criminal charges. This truly was an accident in all sense of the word... with a heart breaking ending.

My first thoughts are of my cousin... who is a good kid. I think of how this will affect is life. He'll carry this with him as long as he lives. It will affect decisions that he makes later in life. I am told that he his coping fairly well, his family is supporting him, his parents are encouraging him to talk to someone professionally, to express his feelings and work through all that goes with this type of situation. We do not know the rest of the story since we do not know what action, if any, the family will take. Your prayers are coveted for Ryan.

My second thoughts are of that family. My mind cannot fathom losing a child, especially in such a shocking and unexpected way. I cannot imagine the hole that is left, the anger, the confusion, the grief they must feel. Your prayers are coveted for this family.

And that leads me to the crux of this post. My thoughts began to wander back to Ryan. My prayers began to be that this family would have the strength to extend the grace to Ryan that I believe he deserves. After all, what would it accomplish to sue him or his family for all their worth? Would it bring back their child to put another family in the poor house? And that is when it hit me... could I do that? Would I do that? Could I extend that grace to someone had I been in their position? How self-righteous of me to expect something from someone I don't even know, that I am not sure I could do myself. We do not have children, but I have 5 nieces and nephews that I love fiercely. What if? (I can't even complete the sentence). Grief fills my heart just to think of it. I don't know that I have the strength that I pray this family has. And I was convicted by that thought.

I won't linger long on the feeling of fear that I felt, as it all sunk in. Someone lost a child they loved. They didn't know it was coming. They had no way to prepare for it. There are not words to describe how much I love Jeff. I cannot imagine not having him in my life and I truly, truly believe I would crumble if something were to ever happen to him. Now, should the Good Lord bless us with children, I can only imagine that feeling being amplified by thousands. It would be gut wrenching.

So ultimately, this babble is all about Faith and Forgiveness. I realized through all of this, that I have some work to do in both areas. I need to trust our Lord in Heaven with my life and the lives of those I love. And I need to forgive. No, nothing tragic has occurred in my life, but let's face it... how easy is it to be angered by the guy in front of you in traffic who goes so slow, you have to sit through the light twice? And what about the lady in front of you at the grocery store who has 55 items in the 10 items or less lane, and then decides to pay with exact cash so makes everyone wait another 5 minutes while she digs for those last few pennies in her bag? Or what about the remark that your spouse made that probably could have been said a little more sweetly, but wasn't? Or what about that co-worker? You know the one... she can't be bothered to pitch in and help others and goes way out of her way to do as little work as possible, but as soon as she's in a pinch wants you to drop everything and help her out? I think these are opportunities that God provides, so we can learn and demonstrate forgiveness. There is an author out there who said it best (and my brother in law reminded me of this when I was sharing this story with him): "Don't sweat the small stuff, and it's (mostly) all small stuff." (I added the mostly).

Please don't misunderstand, I in no way want to trivialize the loss that occurred a few weeks ago for this family. It often takes events like this to put things in perspective for us. My point is, the big things are going to come. We are going to be hurt, we are going to be angry about something we are totally justified in being hurt and angry about. Leave the grief, the sorrow and the anger for those moments, but when the time is right... don't forget the forgiveness. Until then, live each day to the fullest. Tell the people in your life how much you love them. And don't let the small stuff get you down.

Finally, this post would be remiss if I didn't mention one last thing. There was someone else who lost a child. The circumstances were a little different... He sent his Son to earth, and his Son was sacrificed on a cross for all of mankind. He forgave us, all of us, for sins we had not yet committed. Most of you (if not all) that read this blog are believers and know the story of Christ. If you do not... please let me share it with you. He is the ultimate in forgiveness. He will give it to you, you only have to ask. And He can help you forgive someone else. Knowing Christ does not mean that you will be immune to tragedies in life. It does mean that He will help you carry the burden.

Thanks for taking the time, thanks for listening. Please pray for Ryan and his family. Please pray for the other family.

A Special Day, Month, Life

For those of you who have known me awhile, you know that in past years I have celebrated my birthday "month" with lots of lunches, dinners and coffee outings with friends and family. I have always anticipated my birthday as a time to go out and have fun, eat whatever I wanted and do it all again the next day. I usually offered several reminders and told anyone who would listen that a very special day was coming that deserved to be celebrated and celebrated well. Well, that has changed as of the last few years as last year I was planning a wedding, this year I was celebrating a first anniversary, two things that are much more fun than any old birthday. Plus I'm over thirty now... who needs birthdays? ; )

I did get to have a fun family celebration on a fine Saturday afternoon with my favorite nieces and nephews... and their parents and grandparents : )... which led to this very fun picture that I wanted to share. (The oldest nephew is missing... I think he had to play soccer or basketball or baseball or chess or something that afternoon but that doesn't mean he doesn't love me and wasn't missing me very much wherever he was. And the youngest is missing too, but she was just probably just napping or eating or something). I just love these kids and so enjoyed their help opening my presents that day.

The moral of this story is that I value my family (old and new) and my friends who have made my years on this earth plum full of love, laughter and wonderful memories. Thanks to all who made my first birthday as a Hamm as special as the previous thirty one, especially Jeff. I look forward to many, many more (at least 59 if you've read any of the previous blogs).

I love you all! : )

Pictures

I promised some pictures of our anniversary trip and I finally got them downloaded. This was our actual anniversary dinner... we got the very nice waitress to take our photo since the "self portrait" style just would not have cut it (although I think we took a few of those too!) ; )

This is us on the beach in front of our hotel... it was a beautiful afternoon... oh yeah, it was the day we were leaving! We did have some some here and there, but we had our fair share of rain too. I did chop off a little of Jeff's head, but I am sure you'll forgive me.

This is the Flavel House in Astoria. We spent a whole day there just wandering around town and seeing the "sights". That included the Goonies House, some really good fish and chips, an AWESOME mocha, and a really cool old Theatre. This house was really neat though... built somewhere around 1885. It's almost 12,000 square feet and lots of neat rooms and old furniture. It even had indoor plumbing! Jeff and I even imagined what it would have been like had he been my gentleman caller during those days... I made a grand entrance down the big stair case to meet him in the formal entry. Okay, so maybe only I imagined, and he just humored me! ; )

And I know I'll get in trouble for posting this one, but I just had to... we stopped at the Peter Iredale wreck near Fort Stevens... it's an old sailing ship that was wrecked in 1906 and all that is left is the old iron hull that sticks out of the sand and gets beat by the waves. All I can say about this photo is... ask Jeff to do his Peter Iredale voice for you. I love it!

All in all it was a wonderful trip. We praised God that he blessed us with a fabulous first year of marriage. We give him the glory for bringing us together... we live, we laugh and we love. Thank you Father.